Red flags are pretty hard to spot if they occur when you don’t know how to deal with them. The one thing you should always remember when entering a new friendship or relationship is that you are your own person and it’s super important to have self respect. 

   Some people are manipulative without realizing it, and don’t know how to control it. However, it is important to remember that this doesn’t excuse such behavior. There are also simply bad people in this world that make an effort to be horribly controlling or condescending. With that being said, what signs should you look out for? 

                                                             Constant non-consensual venting/ranting

   This can be excused if you have agreed to let someone vent or get things off of their chest whenever they need to. If you’re uncomfortable with someone ranting, you should try to help them find someone else to talk to about their issues, or help them find something else to do in general. However, if you told this person that you don’t want them to let out their feelings and they do it anyway, that’s giving them an opportunity to use you as a make-shift therapist. While it’s great because it shows that they trust you enough with their problems, it’s still insanely toxic and eventually just leads to them looking down on you or associating you with the title of therapist. 

                                                              Apologizing for things you don’t need to

   So, you just got into a fight with a friend or a significant other, and some things that they did bothered you. You call them out on it. They get defensive and start attacking you for no reason, and pull out things that have nothing to do with the argument. You end up having to apologize and the other person gets off scot-free. That’s a gigantic issue, not only for you, but the other person too. Some battles just can’t be won. People are ruthless and will do anything to keep their pride intact. You cannot let this discourage you. Something to keep in mind when dealing with that is to keep any anger or outside emotions out of the argument. We’re all capable of saying things we don’t mean when we have strong feelings towards something, that’s a given. It’s best for you to do what’s right and don’t say or do anything someone could hold against you later down the line. Just hold your ground and stay in the right for as long as possible and don’t let people switch things up to make you look bad in the end, putting you in a position where you need to apologize. Obviously apologize where/when apologies are due.

                                                                The nitpicking of friends and family

   From personal experience, this is a tad more prominent in a romantic relationship, but can be found in regular friendships or even in families. When someone in your life meets another person in your life and points out miniscule things that bother them for absolutely no reason, that’s a big sign that you should distance yourself from them. Some big examples would be, “I don’t like that Sally chews so loud,” or, “Jacob has such a bad taste in music.” Letting them steadily talk bad about your loved ones can put it in your head that those things bother someone you love and give you negative association to them. When you build up trust with someone for a long time, you start to believe what they say a lot more. “Well, I know my s/o, they’ve always had some good views and I trust their judgement.” Not only does this push you away from friends, it also gives the other person the mindset that they can control you. 

                                                                                         Guilt tripping

   Guilt tripping is super easy to spot if you know the right terminology to look out for. Let’s say, for a lack of segways, you, yet again, got into a fight with a friend. They use any and all issues that they have going for them to justify the wrong way they’re treating you. Things like these are also used by people to slip away from conflict in an attempt to wipe the dirt off of themselves. It’s crucial to keep in mind that you’re your own person and that, in your heart of hearts, as long as you’ve done everything you can to stay on the good side of things and not lash out, you’ve done nothing wrong.

                                                                                             Leading on

   As a final topic, I’d personally dub this one of the most important things to look out for because it usually happens at the beginning of any relationship. Something that people love to do with full consciousness is give praise and compliments to another person, which builds up an outlet of trust and praise, then take it away. This leaves the person on the receiving end in a position where they NEED that praise back. “Why was it taken away so suddenly? Maybe I should advance the relationship further so I can get it back…” No one deserves to get led on like that, or at all. It blows. 

Like what was said before; you can’t win ‘em all. There’s always going to be that bunch of people who are just bad. It’s just mostly up to you to keep your self respect and know when to recognize when you’re being manipulated. You’re better than a puppet to be manipulated and shaped around someone else’s life. Furthermore, it should not be up to you to walk on eggshells to fit someone else’s lifestyle. Keep being yourself and find the crowd of people that actually appreciate you for you.